Home

Its the same place. But I’ve changed.

I am more me.

So many places, so many beds

That I can’t distinguish the airports anymore

They all seem to fade into one similar

And its not that i am shocked every morning “Where am I?”

Nope

I think I got used to it

So much that it wasn’t strange

After all, its just some place, some bed on the same Earth!

I worried about my work tasks maybe more haha

So many people

So many roads

I remember I walked the roads of Nimman in Chiang mai alone at 4 am

Cause I wasn’t sleepy

Went to grab a McD and then walked destination-lessly

I sat on the road

Talked to the universe

It was just me and the universe

The earth below my feet

And the sky above

My mother and my father

Told universe to send me a good love

The longing, I see now, has always been there

For as long as I remember

I misunderstood it many times

In different phases

But now I see it

The longing for home

For authentic expression

Someone to call home

Cause I don’t know why, yet

But my soul choose to be born

With no home

So I chased the feeling.

I dont chase it no more but I see it

I still want it

And somewhere I’ve accepted

Its okay to live wanting it

And its not like I never am home

Sometimes in stranger’s touches

In their eyes

In their actions

I feel am home

Like when the kind lady in Bali dropped me ‘home’ in her scooty

Cause it was raining

I mean that’s home

Right there

When the earth holds me

As I lay flat on her

Or put my bare feet on her

I am home

In the warmth of cuddles with a man I like

I am home sometimes

When I gaze up at the sky

Her vastness

When I talk to the sky

Cause that’s the universe

My universe looking out for me

Listening to me

I am home then

In front of the Buddha in Bangkok

Some unknown street

I cried, cause I was home!

Home is a feeling

Am home sometimes

And sometimes not

And it is okay to want that

It is okay